Compilation of Secrets
by AvengingAngelofJustice
Summary: Were the Curtis parents really who we think they were? Or does the Curtis family also have their own secrets? The story of Lucy and her brothers dealing with their past.
1. Chapter 1

**Compilation of Secrets**

_Lucy Marie Curtis_

He was always a good guy. Friendly, and the most utterly charming man I have ever known. A man true to his word with a wonderful mind. He was forever thinking, wondering, and contemplating the world around him. But Dad always had his problems. Even when I was a young girl, I could recognize the scent of Tom Collins on his breath. I didn't think anything of it though. I admired the smell of a man in my little world so full of boys.

I still don't know if Darry was even old enough to understand what was really going on; Dad always staying out late; his nasty temper when we turned the radio up to loud or when my hair drifted into my face at the dinner table. The boys don't ever talk about it. Some days I wish they would, that way I'd know that I'm not the only one who remembers.

He never hit us, Dad didn't. Sometimes though, in one of his fits, he would threaten to whoop us real good. That's all, nothing worse, but it would scare the shit out of us just the same. Before we would go to bed on those nights, Mom would come in to check on us more then usual, smiling through the worry in her eyes. She was our protector.

Many nights, when Dad was out late again, I could hear Mom crying in her room. When I was really young, I didn't understand why. I would ask Sodapop about it, but he would just shake his head. So I would crawl under the covers with Ponyboy and pull my pillow over my head, that way I wouldn't hear the sniffles through the paper-thin walls.

Teachers would continuously send notes home with Pony and me. We were too shy, too quiet in class and people would worry. One time, during the forth grade science fair when Pony had to present his cardboard box hotdog cooker, he stood up with his speech and he just started to cry. He broke down and sobbed in front of the entire class.

The school called my mother and they sent Pony home for the day. I cried too, just so I could go home with him. And the next year, when we weren't placed in the same class like in the years past, I suffered severe separation anxiety. I was sent to the counselor's office seventeen times in the first quarter alone. Seventeen.

The day that the police came to the door giving us the news about our parents, I cried. But over the next few weeks, when the dinner table became calm, I felt an odd sense of relief. I relaxed for the first time since I could remember.

I don't know why. I'll never tell the boys, but I blame a lot of shit on Dad. Somehow, I feel like I wouldn't be nearly as screwed up if he hadn't been yelling at us all time. Maybe, I won't be so scared all of the time. Maybe, Pony wouldn't be dreaming his life away. There are other things too. Sometimes, I can't walk to the park by myself or I can't read in my room without locking the door. Or how I can never say 'I'm sorry'. And Johnny; I could never let Johnny touch me the way he wanted to.

Like today for example while I sit here on one end of the couch while Johnny sits on the other. Darry's not going to be home from work for an hour and I just know John is itching to make-out again. But you know Johnny, he'd never admit to anything like that. I can just tell, though, by the way his eyes wander from the television to me every once in a while.

He's examining me, testing my boundries like he is so often forced to do, but I don't shift closer to him. He knows by how silent I am and by the way I keep sighing softly; today is one of _those_ days. An off-limits, no touching permitted day. I feel terribly guilty. It's not like I choose to be like this every few weeks. I've tried to deny my feelings on days like this, but it always turns out miserably.

One day, a few months ago, I let his kiss me despite what the feeling in the pit of my stomach told me. Very bad. A few minutes after Johnny and I got lost in our typical hot and heavy make-out session on the floor in my bedroom, he pulled away.

I opened my eyes to have him gazing at me sympathetically.

"What?" I questioned.

He didn't say anything, but he rubbed his thumb across my cheek and showed me a drop of moisture that glistened on his finger. Steady trails of burning tears were rolling off of my face.

"I think we should stop," he said softly.

I nodded.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" he asked.

"No," I said, staring at the carpet pathetically.

He reached out to touch my face again, but I flinched and pulled away.

"Okay," he spoke after a short, uncomfortable silence, "I'll see you later then."

"Alright," I mumbled, still not meeting his eyes.

I was ashamed. When Darry came home from work, I claimed that I was sick and I crawled into bed. Sleeping was the only way to stop the tears from continuing.

So today, when I avoid communication or contact of any sort, Johnny doesn't question me. He just watches TV until Pony gets home from the library and they head over to the Nightly Double. I'm kind of angry because they didn't bother to invite me, but I guess It would have been really awkward if I had gone with them because Pony still doesn't know about Johnny and me. The only one who really knows is Sodapop, but he's over in Vietnam fighting the war, so he won't tell. I do think that Darry is suspicious, but he doesn't ask, so I'm not spilling.

Darry is out tonight with his long-time girlfriend, Anne. I'm all alone in the house, but I don't mind too much. I sit on the couch with a bag of potato chips, watching soap operas. That's right. I'm what you would call a soap addict. I'd never tell the guys. Gawd, they'd crack jokes at me until the end of time. I don't even know why I bother watching such poorly-made made-for-TV movies. I guess it's just nice to know that there are people more messed up then I am.

It's about midnight before I finally decide to crawl into the bed that Pony and I share. I moved into his room when Pony started having nightmares again. Truth be told, I was thankful. I'd been having nightmares too.

I wake up early in the morning. The sky is still dark outside and a furious rain is pounding on the roof. I wonder if Johnny is safe and dry somewhere and I continue wondering until I finally give in and get up to check.

"Where are you going?" Pony asks, sleepily.

"I'm just getting a glass of water," I say.

He rolls back over and drifts into sleep again. I creak open my bedroom door and move softly into the living room.

"Johnny?" I ask as I poke the lump that lies on the couch.

"Whadda want," A voice grumbles, muffled by the sheets. It's Two-bit.

"Have you seen Johnny?" I question.

"No," he says shortly, "Prob'ly in the lot."

There isn't a second thought that goes through my brain after that. Let's just say that I am not too bright at 3:30 in the morning.

I slip on Darry's pair of work boots by the door and I head outside into the rain. I'm still in my pajamas and the rain soaks through to my skin quickly. I run as fast as I can in the huge boots that are practically falling off of my feet.

"Johnny!" I call when I reach the lot. It is dark and I can barely see past the rain.

A car beeps its horn loudly and I jump out of the way to avoid being hit. I guess I should get out of the road.

"Lucy!" Johnny walks towards me from the darkness.

I throw my arms around his neck. He is taken aback by this gesture.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"It's raining," I say when I pull away from him, "and I didn't want you to spend the night out here."

He laughs and his eyebrows disappear behind his bangs.

"Look at you," I say, trying to preserve a sliver of my dignity, "You're soaked."

"So are you," He adds.

I sigh. I must look like shit. I can't even bear to think about it.

"Let's just go home," I finally say.

He nods.

After giving Johnny a blanket and a set of Soda's dry clothes, I climb back into bed and am lulled to sleep by the feeling of Pony's warm back pressed against mine.

* * *

"Rise and shine, Luce," Darry shakes me awake. 

"It's Saturday," I moan.

"Community service, Lucy," he says.

I roll over and look up at him, "Oh, yeah."

A few months ago, after the one year anniversary of Dallas death, Two-bit decided to give me a lesson in lifting a six-pack of Bud from the convenient store.

Just for reference, I am not a sneaky person and it was no different on that day. The cops cuffed me so fast my head was spinning. When they took me away, all I could do was cry and curse at Two-bit under my breath.

"I'm sorry, Darry," I hung my head when he came to pick me up, looking exceptionally stern.

He grounded me until the end of time on top of the community service would later give me. Saturday after Saturday since then has been spent talking to the elderly or cleaning up the sides of roads. Today it is an oh-so-wonderful trip to the soup kitchen. Well, at least it is my last day.

"Morning, Luce," Johnny appears in the kitchen while I am searching for something decent to eat.

My stomach does one of those flip-flop things. Why do I only have the extreme urge to press my lips to his when I can't?

"Hey," I smile at him. He is so close to me that I can feel his breath against my cheek when he sighs.

"Are you ready to go?" Darry asks, suddenly.

I pull away quickly and pray that he doesn't notice how Johnny and I are both blushing furiously.

"Yeah," I say. I leave the house without eating breakfast.

Darry drives me to the community center downtown and leaves me to board the bus with the half-dozen other juvenile delinquents. I wave at him, internally begging him to come back and rescue me from the hell I will soon enter.

* * *

**Here we go again! I'm quite proud of this beginning I must say. I'm sorry for anyone who is offended by me manipulating the Curtis parents in a more negative way. I should have athe nextchapter posted by nextSunday, if not earlier.Please review and tell me what you think!**

**-Avenging Angel**


	2. Chapter 2

**Compilation of Secrets**

_Johnny Cade_

I worry about her more than she knows. Someone has to. Sometimes I truly hate being the keeper of all of her secrets. Well, not all of her secrets. I know she won't tell me half of the shit she actually feels. But that's Lucy for you. Closed off to everything that makes her feel human. I think that she's learned it from Dallas.

I know that she is almost at the end of her rope. She has been for years. Though, I don't know why. She'll never tell me.

I go home early in the afternoon. Lucy has left to finish her community service and Pony's cramming for a test in physics or something like that. There is mail on the counter for me. I know what it is before I even open it: A draft notice. The same thing that Soda received six months ago.

It's no surprise my old man left it on the counter for me. Anything to get me out of the house. But he isn't home right now, so I take advantage of a hot shower.

Later, I gaze at myself in the mirror. I'm taller than I used to be, but somehow less lanky. I find it strange how the war becomes more exciting in my mind with every passing moment. Anything to get out of this place.

I'll miss her.

_Am a really eighteen already? Why do I still feel like such a kid?_ I think about Lucy and how I should tell her that I'll have to leave. I'm afraid of how she will take this news. I'm afraid that she'll finally snap.

I fall asleep late that night in a bed that I never considered to be mine. I couldn't bring myself to go over to the Curtis's. She'd see through my quiet façade, like usual, and ask what was on my mind. I can't just lie to her. So I stall, instead. I click off the lamp in the bedroom so my parents won't know I was home and I toss and turn for over an hour before finally finding sleep.

There is a soft clicking noise at my window. I turn over and try to ignore the noise until what itis finally hits me. I hurry towards the window and yank it open.

"Jeez, Johnny! What are you trying to do?" She grips a stitch in her chest, but then relaxes.

"Sorry Luce," I say, "What's up?"

The sky is still disappointingly dark. I can't quite make out her face with such minimal light except for perhaps her thin nose and her dark coffee hair that drapes its way over her cheek.

She takes a minute and breaths heavily.

"It's Soda," She chokes out finally.

I pull her inside so I can hold her while she sobs into my shoulder. And all of the sudden I'm crying too.

"Johnny, can I stay here tonight?" She cries.

"Yeah, baby, sure thing," I whisper.

We curl up on the tiny twin bed and she cries herself to sleep. I feel helpless. I don't know what to say to her, how to make her feel better. So I let her sob in my arms.

* * *

"Darry?" I ask when he picks up the phone. 

"Yeah," he says.

"Hey, man, it's Johnny."

"Have you seen Lucy?" He questions immediately. It's obvious that he has been up all night waiting for her return.

It takes me a minute to answer because I don't know how to tell him the truth without him being suspicious. I can't find a way, so I just tell him.

"She's here with me," I say.

"Thank gawd," he breaths. It surprises me that he doesn't question me. But I guess after your brother dies that kind of stuff doesn't matter much anymore.

"I'll bring her home," I say.

"Thanks, Johnny," he says.

There was a small silence.

"And Darry," I finally add, "I'm real sorry about Soda."

"Yeah," he says sadly, "me too."

I hang up. From the front room, I can hear an early morning bicker beginning so I decide it's best to wake Lucy up now to save her from a much harsher wake-up call.

I creep back into my room and shake her awake.

"Hey," she says and she sits up a little quicker than I expected. She hasn't been asleep, after all.

"Come on, we've got to go," I say.

She nods. Her hair is knotted at the ends and her eyes are terribly swollen from so much crying. I help her out of window because it is so much easier than sneaking out the front. I don't know what my parents would do if they found me here with her, but I'm not itching to find out.

We walk over a mile and a half to the Curtis's. I know that she is reluctant to go inside once we get to the front door, but I place my hand on the small of her back to nudge her inside. I pull away quickly after that, blushing, but she doesn't notice.

Darry bounds into the living room as soon as we enter and pulls her into a hug. Pony gazes up at me from the couch with questioning eyes. I give him a sorrowful look and hang my head a little.

"We were so worried, baby," Darry whispers.

"I know," she cries, "I'm sorry."

"It's gonna be okay, Luce," he says, though I don't think he believes that himself.

I stay with them for the rest of the day. Two-bit and Steve arrive later, but a disconcerting silence has fallen over the house. It is now that I am beginning to realize that we will never be the same; as a gang; as a family. Everything I once knew is over. I cry then, but I sit out on the front porch to hide my tears.

Pony follows me a few minutes later. He sits down on the step next to me and lights up a smoke, offering me one also. We sit in quiet for a while. Pony sniffles and I drape my arm around his shoulders.

"I don't even know what to do, Johnny. Everything's so messed up," he says quietly.

He takes a drag of his smoke.

"He can't be dead. He just can't be. Not Soda, man, not Soda," He whispers.

"I know, Pon," I say.

We finish off our cigarettes and light up fresh ones.

"How long?" He questions, suddenly.

I just look at him.

"How long…You and Lucy. How long?"

"A little under a year, I guess," I respond.

"Jeez," he sighs.

"I should've told you," I say, guiltily.

"It doesn't matter," he stands up and heads back into the house.

I can't help but wonder if I will suffer the same fate as Soda in just a few months.

* * *

**A/N: I can't tell you that I'm always going to update this fast, but I'll try. I have the next few chapters written and they should be posted periodically. Look out for me! I'd like to give thanks to my awsome reviewers _redxcliches _(of course) and _Tehsylvania! _Please review!**

**-Avenging Angel**


	3. Chapter 3

**Compilation of Secrets**

_Lucy Marie Curtis_

It's been two weeks since the funeral of my brother. I was never that close to him. To be honest, I was jealous of him. He could always stand out in any crowd. He gave people that crazy grin and they couldn't help falling in love with him. I wonder how a boy who sparkled like Sodapop did could be sibling to such a lack-luster girl like me. I wish everybody loved me like they loved him.

* * *

Johnny and I sit in the grass in the park, leaning up against one of the large oaks that provides a canopy from the hot sun. 

"Listen, Luce, there's something I gotta tell you," he says to me.

I turn my head to gaze over in his direction. His eyes meet mine for a second before he leans in and kisses my lips lightly. That's when I realize that something is terribly wrong. He doesn't want to tell me whatever he is about to say.

"What, John?" I ask, after he pulls away.

_Spill it already_, I can't help but think.

"I'm being drafted."

_Way to let me down easy, Johnny._

"What? When?" I stutter.

"A few weeks," he says.

My heart falls into my stomach and I can feel my throat tightening.

"Weeks?" I squeak.

"Yeah," he picks at his fingernail, "I was gonna tell you before, but I just couldn't. Not with what happened to Sodapop and all."

He's said the wrong thing, he and I both realize it. That's when it first hit me. Johnny's going over to Vietnam. Soda _died _in Vietnam.

"You can't go," I choke out, finally. Tears are already clouding my vision and I look away from him quickly.

He doesn't say any comforting words or put his arm around me. There is nothing comforting to say.

_The next time you see him, he could be being carried around in a wooden box_, I tell myself.

More tears pour down at this thought and I find myself so distraught that I can't breath. I'm choking for air.

"Please don't-," I beg of him, but I can't get the words out.

He is genuinely concerned now; I can see it as I look up at him. Shifting so that he is facing me, he lifts my head up from the knees of my jeans and attempts to calm me down.

"Easy, Luce. Relax, okay? Everything's gonna be okay," he runs his hand through my hair in a soothing matter.

People are looking at us from the sidewalk with awkward glances. I guess it looks kind of strange to see a sobbing girl in the center of the park.

"Don't go," I say, after I've calmed down a bit.

"I have to," he answers, reluctantly.

He's right. I know he is. I hate him for it.

* * *

"Dinner is in ten minutes, Lucy!" Darry yells to me as I slam the door. 

"Okay," I say. I find him in the kitchen, cooking.

"You okay, kiddo?"

He does a double-take when he sees the streaks of mascara that must be running down my face. I should have washed up. I don't want an interrogation, but it's unavoidable now.

"I'm fine," I say.

His eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes drift across my face as if hoping to find the real answer hidden there.

"Johnny's being drafted," I spit out finally and I leave the room so he can't look at me anymore.

"Lucy!" he calls, "Why don't we talk about it."

That's Darrel for you; always trying to be the mother.

"There's nothing to talk about," I shrug and I shut the bathroom door so I can't hear him as I run cool water over my face.

The door swings open a few seconds later and I jump back.

"Jeez, Darrel, I could have been getting in the shower or something. Don't you ever knock?" I question.

"What's the matter with you?" He asks.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," I dry my face on a clean towel.

"What are you hiding from? Why can't you just say what you feel?" He says, obviously exasperated.

I am frustrated at this question, but only because I know what he's saying it true. I am defensive anyway.

"I'm not hiding from anything," I insist.

"What's going on?" Pony peeks in on us from the hallway. He must have been studying in his room or something like that.

Darry plows right through his words and adds, "Yes you are, that's all you ever do!"

I scoff and slip past him, hoping to dismiss the subject.

"Things get tough and you take off, right out the door!"

"Whatever, Darry," I say and I begin to set the table.

"Don't you think for a minute that I don't know what you're doing. I found those beer bottles under your bed, Lucy." He is quieter now, yet somehow he scares me worse.

"What's the matter, Darrel?" I say, standing daringly close to him to lock eyes with his, "Afraid I'm taking after good old Dad."

I know he's angry by the way he looks at me. But I smile; I know I've trapped him.

"I'm not the only one denying things, Darrel," I brush past him and head into the kitchen to get the food.

"Guys, just stop, okay?" Pony says and there is silence.

We end the argument for Ponyboy's sake, but we don't speak to each other for the rest of the night.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Pon," I hear Darry state as I 'overhear' their conversation from my room.

_Oh yeah_, I think, _make me look like the bad guy. _

I fall asleep in my own bed that night because I'm so furious. Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before the entire world is against me.

* * *

The sound of the doorbell pulls me from sleep. It still dark outside, but that's not what throws me. No one ever rings our doorbell. Not even solicitors; no one ever bothers to sell anything in this neighborhood. 

I hear Darry get up and I am thankful. I'm dead to the world less then a minute later.

* * *

"Lucy, wake up," Pony whispers in my ear. 

"What time is it, Pon?" I roll over to look at him.

"I dunno. Early," he says, "It's still dark out."

"What are you getting me up for then?"

"Shelia's here," he whispers.

"Who?"

"Shelia; Dallas's old girlfriend," he says.

"What?" I sit up slowly.

Pony sits on the edge of the bed so that he's facing me.

"She has a kid with her. She says it's Dally's."

"Does she know that Dally's dead?" I question.

"Yeah," he says, "But she says she's in trouble, she doesn't know where else to go. She wants to leave the girl with us."

"Jeez," I throw the covers off of me and go to peek out of the crack in the door, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," he says and he leans over me so he can see also, "And I think Darry is gonna say 'yes'."

"Come on," I say, moving to open the door, "Lets go see what's going on."

"No," Pony whispers, "Darry won't let ya'. He sent me back to my room."

"What are you, five?" I say.

I look at him and I can see that I've been too cruel. I don't apologize; no matter how guilty I am beginning to feel.

"He'll be angry," He finally reasons.

"Not like he could get any angrier with me," I admit, but I climb back into bed.

Pony lies down beside me and we are silent for a while.

"Dallas has got a kid," I whisper, just to confirm it with myself, "How old is she, Pon?

"I dunno," he says, "Looks about two, I guess."

I lean my head against his and take a deep breath. I'm trying not to fall asleep, just so I can see what will happen, but I find my eyelids growing heavy. I yawn.

"Was Darry right? Ya' know, about the beer bottles," Pony asks.

"Yeah," I breathe.

"You shouldn't drink," he says.

It takes me a minute to answer only because what he's saying takes a while to register in my foggy mind.

"You shouldn't smoke," I tell him.

"That's not the same," he responds.

"Yes it is. Alcohol calms my nerves, just like cigarettes calm yours," I say.

"I still wish you wouldn't," he finally states.

"I know," I say.

_I'm sorry.

* * *

_

**A/N: Thanks to all of my reviewers! Next chapter should be posted on Wednesday if I get back from rehearsal early enough. Review and tell me what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Compilation of Secrets**

_Johnny Cade_

I walk over to the Curtis's early in the afternoon. At first, when I step into the doorway, I think that no one is home. The house is quiet. Lucy emerges from the hallway, though, with a smile.

"Hey Johnny," she says.

"Hey," I respond, but I'm not looking at her.

Instead, I study the tiny hand that is leached onto her bare leg. She notices where my gaze lies and I wait for her to explain.

"She's shy," she says, and she does not open her mouth to add more as I am hoping. I know she is waiting for me to ask questions. I'm typically shy, and some days she'll do anything just to get a few extra words out of me.

A tiny blonde head pokes out from behind her and a pair of ice-blue eyes stares back at me.

"Come here, sweetheart," Lucy scoops the girl up into her arms.

I can tell that the little one is alarmed at my presence, because she buries her face in the crook of Lucy's neck and holds on to her tightly.

"Johnny," Lucy says to me.

I am still planted in the center of the living room.

"This is Shannon; Shelia and Dallas's daughter."

This comment takes me by surprise and it takes me a few seconds to respond.

"Dallas's-?" I stutter.

"Yeah," she interrupts, "It's weird, I know."

"Jesus," I mutter, and I run my hand through my hair.

"Shannon, are you gonna say 'hi'?" Lucy asks.

I can see the girl shake her head, pushing her nose further into Lucy's collar.

"She doesn't like men," Lucy informs me.

I nod. My mind is still racked with the prospect of Dally having a kid.

"Where is Shelia?" I ask, after I've sorted through my thoughts.

"Gone," Lucy tells me, "For a while, anyway."

I am silent.

"Come on, Shannon. Are you hungry?" Lucy brings the girl into the kitchen. I follow then and lean against the doorway.

"So, you're going to keep her here?" I wrap my head around this thought.

I study the girl for a second. It is so easy to spot the bits of Dallas in her blood; the hair, the unforgiving eyes. It makes me heartsick

"Just for a few weeks," She says to me.

I watch her as she balances the girl on her hip and she reaches into the refrigerator for something.

"How about some peanut butter and jelly," she says to Shannon.

The girl doesn't respond and Lucy takes this as a 'yes'.

"Then let me put you down so I can make it," she insists.

Shannon resists for a moment as Lucy lowers her to the ground, but she gives in a settles for hiding behind Lucy's legs once again.

"John, will you get the peanut butter out of the cabinet," she asks me as she spreads grape jelly on a slice of bread.

I pull out a jar of _Jiff _and hand it to her, avoiding getting too close to the frightened Shannon. I think that I am as scared of her as she is of me.

Lucy notices this and laughs at me.

"She's just a little girl, Johnny," she giggles.

I blush and scratch the back of my head.

"I know," I say softly.

She walks over and kisses me lightly. I am very aware of Shannon's eyes on us.

"You're crazy," she continues to make lunch.

I sit with Lucy on the couch while Shannon eats at the table.

"I'm gonna have to watch her this summer," She tells me, "School's out in a week anyway.

I am silent. Sometimes I wish I had more to say.

"Pony is gonna take classes at the community college in the afternoons," she sighs, "Why does that boy have to be so smart?"

I remember the day that Mr. and Mrs. Curtis told Lucy that Pony was going to be skipping a grade and would be in her class. Lucy was twelve, the same as Pony, but she's ten months older then him. She was furious that day. She locked herself in her room for the night. Her mother tried to coax her out and her father finally just got angry and picked the lock on the door.

Her and Pony didn't get along too well then. It still kills her that he is smarter then she is, I know it does.

"Hey you two, help me with these will ya'? Darrel barges in the door carrying two overflowing bags of groceries.

Lucy leaps up and removes a bag from his arms. I take the other and I follow her into the kitchen.

"Hey, kid, what's up?" Darry speaks to Shannon but she just continues to nibble on her sandwich.

Lucy begins to put the food away.

"It looks like you're the only one that she's talking to, Luce," Darry says as he arrives in the kitchen.

"That's understandable," Lucy responds, "I wouldn't want to talk to you freaks either."

I laugh and a secret smile plays on Darrel's face. He turns to look at her.

"You'd better watch it, mouthy," he nudges her; "You're going to get beat up one of these days."

"Go ahead, Darrel, I can take you," She says.

"Yeah right," he shakes his head, "Where's your brother?"

"Where do you think? He's at the movies," she says.

"Did Mary go with him?"

"I think so," Lucy says, "So, I'm gonna go out for a while, okay?"

"Okay," Darry heads down the hall and Lucy follows him, "but take Shannon with you."

"What?" Lucy hissed; her brow adorably furrowed, "I've watched her all day. It's your turn."

"Listen, Luce," Darry takes off his shirt and grabs a clean one from a pile on the washer, "I can't take her today. If Pony was home he could do it, but he's not. You have to watch her."

Lucy groans.

"Darry, if I take her out you know what people are going to think."

"What are they going to think?" Darry asks.

"They're going to think I'm a whore," Lucy says, exasperated, "They're going to think that Lucy's my kid."

"Then stay inside," Darry responds plainly. He moves into the bathroom so that he can slick back his hair.

"I've been inside all day!"

"I'm sorry, Luce, I've got to go. I've got to pick up Anne," he sticks his wallet in his back pocket and takes off, out the door.

"Come on, Lucy," I shrug, "We'll just take her with us. We'll go hang out in the park or something."

"Hanging out in the park is not exactly what I had in mind, Johnny," The way she leans in when she says this makes my cheeks grow hot.

I kiss her softly, daringly, because she is so close.

* * *

We walk to the park. Shannon still won't say a word as she sits in Lucy's arms. Occasionally, Lucy's arms get tired and the little girl has to tread slowly beside us. 

"Okay, Shannon," Lucy prods the shy girl forward a bit, "Go play. We'll be right here."

But Shannon stands still, her glance flits around the jungle gym that is covered in screaming children.

"Come with me?" Shannon asks softly, clinging to Lucy once again.

Lucy sighs, but pulls Shannon into her arms.

"Okay, I'll come with you," she says and she turns back to me, "Listen, I've got to watch her. Just meet me in the lot at midnight."

"Darry won't like that," I say to her. She has been on Darrel's last nerve lately as it is; she can't afford to get into any more trouble.

"I won't tell him," She insists, "He'll be asleep anyway."

She kisses my cheek and turns to leave.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to my reviewers. I'll try to update sooner this time. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Compilation of Secrets**

_Lucy Marie Curtis_

I wait until I hear Darrel's door click shut to throw the blankets off of my body and move quietly out of bed. I stumble blindly out of bed because it is so dark and it's a miracle that I make it to the door without killing myself.

"Where are you going?" Pony sits up and it scares me so terribly that I jump. My heart is beating wildly in my throat suddenly and it takes me a second to respond.

"Hush!" I insist, "I'll be back in a bit."

"What if Darry wakes up?" he questions.

"He won't if you just keep your mouth shut," I whisper.

"Alright," he says, "I will, just don't be long."

"I won't be."

I'm still in a pair of pajama pants and one of Darry's old t-shirts, but I just slip on a pair of sneakers and creep silently out of the door.

* * *

"You're late," Johnny says when I first arrive, but he's smiling. 

He stands up from the curb and moves closer to me, he is hesitant, but that's to be expected from Johnny.

"I know," I answer, "Darry stayed up late."

He slips his arms around my waist and I meld into him. I swear I can hear his heart rate quicken. I smile.

"Miss me?" I ask.

Johnny doesn't answer, but he leans down to kiss me lightly. I wrap my arms around his neck to keep him in place. He laughs into the kiss, softly.

We sit in the lot for a while. My head rests on his shoulder and he touches my hair softly.

"Do you ever wonder what Dally would have been like if he had lived?" he asks me after a few minutes. He is staring down at his hand, which I quickly lace with mine.

I don't respond, but I don't think that he expects me to.

"I guess somebody would've killed him eventually, even if those damn Socs didn't," he smiles grimly.

"Somebody was bound to," I say, removing my hand from his," he was such a pain in the ass all of the time."

Johnny looks at me strangely. I know I've touched a nerve; no one ever talks about Dally in front of him like that.

"You're just angry because he hated you," Johnny says, his voice is still quiet. I don't think that I've ever heard him say anything cruel to me before, but this comment stabs me like a knife.

"He hated me because I wanted him to hate me," I speak childishly and I am immediately ashamed.

We are silent again until he turns to face me again. I struggle to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Luce, I shouldn't have said that."

He leans over to kiss me and I have to forgive him.Just likeI always do.I sigh when he pulls me closer to him. I am struggling to move closer to himwith little luck. Suddenly, he is pulling at the hem of my shirt, touching my bare skin. Goose bumpsrun up my flesh.I pull away.

"I'm sorry," he begins, "I shouldn't have-,"

He thinks that I have rejected him, he thinks that he has been to bold. He hasn't though; I am just as willing as he is.

"Lets go somewhere, John," I say, breathlessly, "Are your parents home?"

I kiss him againand move nearer to him. My heart is racing in my ears, butI try to ignore it.

Reluctantly, he pushes me away.

"Oh God, I'd love to," he said, his cheeks turning pink, "but we can't."

I groan, pulling away from him.

"Why?" I question.

"'Cause Darrel would kill me if he ever found out. Besides, I don't want it to be like this," he says and even through the darkness I can see his ears turning pink.

I nod.

"I'll walk you home," he stands up and pulls me to my feet.

"Alright," I say.

* * *

We reach the front gate and I turn to face him. 

"Goodnight," I whisper so Darrel, whose bedroom window is in the front of the house, won't hear. I know that i'm risking getting grounded again, and that just won't do, not with Johnny leaving soon. I try not to think about that, though.

He touches my cheek to pull me from my daze.

"Goodnight," he smiles.

I kiss his cheekand turn to make my way to the front door.

"Love ya', Luce," he adds.

He speaks so softly that I can barely hear him. It takes a few seconds, but eventually it hits me fast and hard. His words startle me and all of the sudden I feel like crying. What have I done to deserve to hear something like that from him?

I turn back to face him, but all I can do is nod.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while. Sorry about that! Thanks to all of the great reviewers! Please review and let me know what I can do better.**

**-Avenging Angel**


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